Survival of the Fittest...

Today has been a crazy day filled with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Today is June 27, 2011.

Today is a day that one little girl has been looking forward to for the last 364 days! Today is the day Erika Lynn Paxman turned 6 years old!

Today is the day that I have been dreading for over 5 months. Today is the day that my parents Lynn and Cindy, AKA President and Sister Gilbert, left on their three year journey to serve as the Mission President of the Busan, South Korea Mission.

I, for one, have been dreading this day in a way I cannot even describe. Yes, I think of myself as a fairly independent individual, but over the last 9 months have grown so incredibly close to my amazing mom! The last nine months have been some of the hardest of my life, but I cannot describe how grateful I am for the trials I went through. Being on completely strict bed rest for over 3 months of my pregnancy was awful. I cannot describe the feeling of self-loathing I felt when I felt as though I was doing nothing to support my husband. I felt as though I was just moseying my way through life, not living it. I lived every day with one single purpose, to get my little boy here safely.

On March 30, 2011 my healthy baby boy was born. Every moment of sickness and frustration were washed away the instant I held him in my arms. I am truly grateful that I was on strict bed rest for so long, because it gave me the opportunity to grow as close to my mom in those short months, as I had grown to my dad working with him for all these years. I cannot even come close to adequately describing what a blessing this was. My mom has truly become my confidant, my ally, my friend, and my bs caller! I have learned so much from her in this time, that the idea of not having her by my side to teach me how to crochet, or to watch NCIS with, or to nap through NCIS with, or to just sit at chat with, the idea of not having her here for this? How do I describe how it feels...... It feels like my stomach is being twisted in a knot over and over and over, like my throat is being squeezed like a lemon as I try and fight back the tears. I can't even attempt to put into words the feelings I have when I think of walking into the office tomorrow and not having my dad there, of knowing that when I am having a horrible day that I can't just walk in, shut the door, and ask for a father's blessing. The feelings I am experiencing are indescribable.

I currently feel the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows.

Yes, I am independent. I am confident. I am self-assured. I have an amazing husband who supports and sustains me in all I do. I have an angel baby boy who cuddles so close when he knows I need a hug. But currently, I do not have a mom to give me a hug, or a dad to give me a pat on the back or to say "keep doing good." This independent, confident, self-assured person is having a really hard time realizing that it is all gonna be ok.

Tonight I was laying in bed, just sobbing. I could hear Porter in the other room kinda whining, so I got up, turned off his SIDS alarm, and picked him up. The moment I started to pick him up the tears started flowing. How in the world am I so lucky? How did my Heavenly Father know that I would need this little angel, my little boy, to comfort me during this time? Porter and I rocked and cuddled, and I cried and cried, as we said a prayer for each and every member of our family. All I can say is that I am so grateful for the power of prayer. I am so grateful that I have the knowledge that I can pray to my Father in Heaven and know that he hears me, he loves me, and he will answer my prayers. It is just incredible to me, as I prayed for peace, comfort, and strength, how I instantly felt warmth throughout my entire body, almost as if I was just covered by a heated blanket.

The next three years will be incredibly difficult at times, there will be moments (like right now) when it almost feels hard to breathe... But I am so grateful for my testimony of the Gospel, especially for my testimony of Missionary Work that makes this trial seem so minuscule in the grand scheme of things.

So yes, my blog has been horrifically ignored, but now that I feel like I can get my life back in order, I promise I will post hundreds of pictures of what we've done over the last few weeks to prepare for Mom & Dad's departure... It's been an incredible few weeks, and I am so grateful for every moment we were able to spend with them.


I LOVE YOU MOM & DAD!!!!

Powell Party

BECCA,

Thanks for the post, what a great way to wake up, turn on your computer in Busan, Korea and see Lake Powell w/Family. We appreciate it!

Mom & Dad























As all of you know (and if you don't know.... you clearly don't know me super well), my family and I are a little bit obsessed with Lake Powell. When I was in 6th grade my dad bought a couple Sea-doos for our family. Little did he know that would turn into a full-blown obsession! The next year we bought out first houseboat, then a ski-boat, then another houseboat, then a new sea-doo, then another houseboat, and another new sea-doo, then a new ski boat, and a few years later a new houseboat. It's been a very expensive obsession for him, but words cannot describe how grateful I am for it! My dad has made countless sacrifices to be able to afford these things when we first got into them, but I know he'll say it was all worth it.

My family is a very close family, and we have absolutely no doubt that a main reason for our closeness is boating/Lake Powell. In fact, we often refer to our family in terms of "pre-boating days" or "post-boating days" because it really is that noticeable how much closer we are.

This year, it was a very bitter-sweet journey to Lake Powell. Usually we have a day by day count down figured out MONTHS in advance. This year, however, it was a little harder to do that, because we all knew that once Lake Powell was over, we only had a few more weeks with Mom and Dad here. We had such a great time, and created so many new memories that we will all cherish forever!

Here are a few (ok 60) pictures to help document our week... Thanks for taking all the photos Jen!!!





















Austin got to experience his first sucker- as you can see... he LOVED it! Gramma Cindy was his BEST friend after she gave it to him!




















Dustin got a new fishing pole for Father's Day (a little early) so he took it to Powell and we bought a "kid" pole too- here's Bop teaching Erika and Landon how to fish...




















Bop is a little worn out from all he's had going on... between tax season and getting ready to move across the world, he was a bit worn out... So he took a few good naps....


















And Porter wants to be just like his Bop, so he took a few good naps too!



































He even took a few with Gramma Cindy AND Bop!

























Landon and Austin even got in on the nap taking trend! (I'm pretty sure Jen was ok with that!)
































The kiddos spent a ton of time playing in a blow up pool on the top-deck since the lake water was WAY too cold! Thanks from bringing it Uncle Mikey and Aunt Chels!






























On Sunday when we went in to church, we decided to have a picnic at the park and let the kiddos play for a bit... and by kiddos I mean the 3, 5, 51, and 52 year-old kids.... The babies and those of us in our 20's just hung out and watched.






















































Gramma Cindy had some serious fun taking baby boat rides with her grandkids and painting Erika and Mya's nails....



















Uncle Mikey, Landon, and Dustin spent most of the week on iTouches and iPads playing games....













Porter and Austin got to spend some great bonding time- thanks to all of us wanting to play with them!



















Gramma literally spent every free moment playing with her grandkids!




































Jen was rather ambitious and took her kids on a few hikes while we were there... Dustin, Porter, and I took naps while they exercised!
































We spent every free moment playing games together... We decided my mom is officially the worst B.S. player ever! Not that that's a big shot!


























When Dustin wasn't sleeping you could find him out on the back deck fishing- I actually ended up really enjoying hanging out back there... but Shhhh don't tell Dustin :)













This is when he caught his first fish with his new pole- of course we had to take a family picture!













I was very happy with how much everybody used Dustin's pole- Dad even caught his first fish! We all thought it was pretty funny... he caught his first fish and now he's headed out to become a fisher of men.... :)



















Landon helped catch a bunch of fish- and he LOVED it!



















When we asked Mya if she wanted to see a fish she was so excited... until she saw a big ol' striper flopping around in the net... then it was instantly "No fishy! Buh Bye Fishy!"



















Austin wasn't so interested in fishing- but he sure did love taking his baths!




















What would Lake Powell be without a few good flips, raileys, and grabs on the wakeboard? Thankfully Uncle Mikey and Aaron wakeboarded- so the rest of us could sit in the boat and be warm!

















(How beautiful is Chelsy? I mean really- it's ridiculous! Nobody should look THAT good at Powell!)
Uncle Mikey even taught Erika how to Wakeboard! She LOVED it and did such a good job!






























Gramma Cindy was the one always leading the way in the 55 degree water!




































I finally gave in and followed suit, thanks to my two little buddies helping me in :)

































Bop and Gramma cuddled with their grandkids as much as possible-


















Clearly the kids were ok with it!



















Nothing like some golfing off the top of the houseboat to make a Lake Powell trip complete!



















Thanks again Gramma and Bop for an amazing week at Lake Powell! It's gonna be incredibly hard to not go for the next three years- but we are so excited for our July 2014 trip!!!












Thank Heavens for the strong men in our family- this was the first trip EVER that I haven't had to dig any anchor holes! It was awesome! We had some incredibly strong winds come up while we were there- the houseboat next to us lost it's anchors and ended up beached... but we stayed nice and straight and safe all week!

My Chubby Boy...

Porter had his two month well-child check up the other day....

Let's just say he's officially growing :)

When he was 5 days old he was:

Length: 19 inches (5th %)
Weight: 6 pounds 0 ounces (5th %)
Head Circumference: 12th %

......

At two months he is:

Length: 24.0 inches (58th %)
Weight: 12 Pounds 9 Ounces (65th %)
Head Circumference: 26th %

Yup! He's officially growing! My pediatrician was VERY happy with how far he's come! It's hard to believe he used to be so tiny! We're very excited for Michael and Chelsy's baby to get here in the next week or so! I can't wait to see how big Porter is compared to him! It's gonna be so fun/sad! I can't believe how big my baby boy is getting!

My Big Boy!

Our good friends Josh and Diana had their sweet baby Maylie yesterday and we were able to go see her last night... she is so tiny and dainty! She was about an inch and a half smaller than Porter was and almost a pound less. It was shocking though to see how fast Porter has grown up to be such a CHUNK! We took him to the doctor the other day for a little cold he had, and when they weighed him, he weighed in at 12 pounds 5 ounces! Such a chunk! His actual 2 mo. appt is next Wednesday so we'll see how big he is for sure then!

Anyway, when I was getting him dressed this morning I really realized how big he is getting, then I put him in his swing and realized he's HUGE! So of course, I had to take a picture to show off :)
(Thanks Auntie A Hall for the shoes!!!! My best friend got these for him and I LOVE them!)